ThiS Is disGUsTinG

seriously, dont proceed any further if you have a weak stomach. i usually am not crude regarding my choices of blogging subjects and i will attempt to spare the nasty details in this one, i just feel compelled to share this story. the warnings been warned, thus i continue....alright. everybody knows that labs eat anything, or if you dont, labs eat anything. it is amazing what my dog jack has ingested and then later deposited in some form. but this one breaks all records as far as im concerned(although i just remembered his consumption of glass from a casserole dish that he'd knocked down to eat that which it had contained however, i still think this one may trump it) . last may i made blueberry muffins (i only remember it was may because i had to bake them for something specific, in case you wonder..) anyways,among my very limited arsenal of kitchen what nots, i had these plastic muffin tin things. they are re-usable and thus negate the need for those little paper muffin holders.they are hard plastic which is a very important detail to this story as the morning after my baking adventure i awoke to find that jack had jumped up on the counter and consumed what was remaining of my fresh batch of blueberry muffins. their were remnants of the plastic containers here and there but they were all torn apart and i didn't think much of it. he was sick a couple times that day but this is typical when he eats what he at times chooses to eat. the past couple of months jack has just had some random health issues which have been minor yet at the same time confusing as hes only 5 and up to this point has been a healthy dog. so lets go ahead and fast forward to a couple nights ago. i was in the backyard doing my routinely picking up of jacks wastes (that was quite a pleasant way to put it i think..) and i went to scoop some up and i am not kidding you, a whole muffin container was in the midst of it. not fragmented or halved or in pieces. it was entirely intact. this thing has been in his digestive system for 5 freaking months. no wonder hes been sick. so i post this not to disgust but as im somewhat in awe of a)how stupid of a dog i have, which ive known for some time. and b) what an iron stomach he must have. let this be a lesson to all you lab owners out there. be leery of leaving around plastic muffin containers. they apparently are hard to destroy

GrRrrRrr

for some reason i find myself very irritable most sunday nights. for various reasons which normally surround a certain five year old who upon becoming tired, somehow is able to reach into this mysterious energy reserve that he must have and thus is exploding with even more noise and more movement and more jumping and more questions then usual which seem to come to an apex right around 8:00 sunday night. and thus, im usually cranky. tonite im downright pissed(which actually has nothing to do with joey...). i came out of church to my car and had another parking ticket. another is in reference to the two that were found under my windshield wipers last week after attending a small group(perhaps i should quit going to church...). ive never received a parking ticket (speeding yes, parking, no) in my life and have now gotten three of them in the last week and a half. and the one received last week, was legit i suppose. i misread one of the signs which said permit parking only after 6pm. fair enough. however the 2nd one was with regards to my not having a license plate on the front of my car which i understand is a state law. i have one on the back, but my car didnt come with brackets for a front license plate and i dont know, its just not been a high item on my priority list to search out where to find them. apparently it should have been as the ticket i got tonite was for the same thing and now i will have payed 80$ as a result of not having done so. and thus i vent....in the whole scheme of life it really is no big deal, it just added to my sunday night crankiness this week...if someone knows where to get brackets, let me know...

**note: the crankiness has subsided as a result of the following incident which took place about 2 minutes ago. although im sure its onset was the result of an attempted stall tactic, it was effective. joey just came out and asked me if i knew what he had just prayed about. i said no and he told me he just had asked God if when he got to heaven, God would give him a big hug. apparently i was in need of a reminder of what really is important....

wEll PrOtecTeD

need i say more?

cHapTeR ClosED

although it seems like comparing specific time periods of one's life to chapters in a book seems so cliche, the more that ive thought about it, the better the analogy becomes. a chapter does not make a book, however without each and every one of them, there would be no book. as in life. the specific events taking place within a time period of one's life do not make them who they are, it is only with the integration of each and every chapter that one grows and develops and becomes who exactly they were created to be. the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly, all of these can be found in virtually every chapter or time period, some being much harder to spot, no doubt, and yet not one of these attributes in and of itself has the capacity to define a book or a life. for that i am thankful, as i have been officially able to close a chapter of my life of which i would cringe if it alone had the capacity to define me.... a little over a year ago i was faced with the reality that id have to find something with which to supplement my financial situation. no big deal, yet as i pondered as to what i could do, i realized i had but one option in regards to having any experience.. waitressing. after quickly solidifying a job, i realized that it had been awhile since id been engulfed within the "real world" or within life outside my little sheltered bubble. i figured it was time for me to get out there and to live this Gospel out as now, i thought, i really got it. i guess in a way, i thought id arrived spiritually as id "overcome" many sins which had at one time strangled the hell out of me. id experienced grace in its magnificent power and in its love and in its utter goodness. i was changed, i was ready to go. yea, those ideals didnt last long. as i re-entered the world that id once been enmeshed in, i found that all those tendencies i once had hadn't necessarily disappeared altogether. i was once again drawn to things which i thought id conquered, or at least thought no longer carried any merit to me. and it was a battle. id fall and then come crawling back to the cross, utterly confused as to why, after all i knew in regards to Christ's love, that i still was choosing to forsake Him for me. yet i would work through it only to fall even harder. these battles have ensued sporatically throughout the last year. the same cycle has been repeated....i would feel id gotten my act together never to return to doing "this" or "that" again, i'd find myself in the midst of "this" or "that", i'd wake up the next day entrenched in shame and self-hate and despair, and then id start the slow process (which was most often led by another..) of repenting and truly accepting God's grace. each time the last step of the process seemed to continually take longer and longer as i could not imagine being embraced, yet again, by a God who i was continually choosing to spit upon in the same, hideous manner. this process is still fresh and raw in my mind and still at times, leads me to despair as i think about how ugly my heart is. however, God has even provided grace in the midst of my own sin, my own denial of Him. a situation arose all of a sudden where i found myself in a financial position of not needing to waitress anymore and because of some crazy details, having to actually dispose of some income. it was an out. i was in the position of being able to remove myself from a place that id found was so hard for me to maintain the truth of that which i am and believe. thus, i put in my notice and as of last night, im able to officially close this most recent chapter of my life. to simply leave it at that is rather depressing. for if i look back over the past year when compared to other years, it sucked as id have to assess it could not have been one in which id grown spiritually as look at all of the regrets which stem from it. however, upon a deeper examination, hope begins to surface. had i not been exposed to that which i was, i may have never been able to realize the utter despicability (i think i may have made that word up) of that which is my heart. living in my little bubble did not give me the outlets to test the true longings of my heart and so i may easily have developed into a haughty, holier then thou type of person (which i suppose is still a possibility). yet my heart has been revealed throughout the past year which is humbling and insightful and awful and yet somehow hopeful. its given me perspective on those idols of which i cling to so tightly that i am able to forsake anything to attain them. its shown me areas of which id once thought i could control yet absolutely cannot. its been eye-opening. and so, as this chapter has closed, the next is staring me in my face. the hope that has surfaced is a result of believing that God will not let the last 12 months fade into history without using them tremendously. through His grace, my sin has been revealed with which i believe He will lead me on yet another journey to again experience His love. and so, im thankful for this last chapter of my life as ugly as it may have been, for it is not the final chapter. it is only but a piece of that which will make up the story of my life and my guess is that the grace of God will work it all to good.

tRue TrUE

SO BEAR WITH ME

I’M A MESSED UP FREAK

I LOVE MYSELF AND HATE MYSELF

A THOUSAND TIMES A WEEK

BEAR WITH ME

I’M A FOOL, A FREAK

I’LL VISIT HELL

BE A MUTE, THEN YELL

AND YOU WILL WANT TO LEAVE

BUT PLEASE BEAR WITH ME

(lyrics from Bear With Me

by Adam Watts)

there are many times when trying to come up with words which accurately describe your internal state of affairs is an impossible task. ive found that in so many of these times, the best outlet in which to turn is that of music. i can hear a song over and over, as ive done with this one and though i liked it, even enjoyed it, it was just a song. but then, in the midst of this past week, i heard it again and it was like i was hearing it for the first time. adam watts (whose every lyric seems completely applicable to me) apparently was able to take all of my un-verbalized (?) thoughts and then organize them into a tangible, audible arrangement which does a fantastic job at portraying that which i had previosly felt was an impossibility to portray to those on the outside. its subjective im sure and what resonates so clearly to me through the above transcribed words may fall on deaf ears to others who read them through. however, had i been required to collaborate my thoughts and sentiments of this past week, i could not have done a better job.

Oh yeA, itS leGiT

there have been a few discrepencies of late which have been brought to my attention with regards to my school of attendence, that being Liberty University. im not one to staunchly defend the Flames (yea, Flames..), as my one and only reason for choosing this school was that they had a distance learning program which would upon completion, earn a bachelors degree in psychology. however, as time goes on, my allegiances have grown stronger and i just feel the need to prove to those who view LU as simply an online college, that it is oh so much more then that. indeed, LIberty University has a fully functioning campus which includes activities such as NCAA football, baseball, and basketball, just to name a few. they are members of the Big South COnference which although i have never heard of, im pretty sure that it certainly sounds official. although i have yet to attend an official football game, i find it incredibly impressive that not only do the players run out in the midst of the marching bands presence but also that they run through actual flames (see above pic) representing well their identity. so, for all you doubters who've questioned the credibility of Liberty University, i hope this answers any and all of your doubts. the flames are certainly a viable part of what makes up the NCAA and perhaps someday they will indeed make a sportscenter highlight or two...(by the way, the link ive posted will take you straight to a page where you can download LU football wallpaper for your computer, just in case you're interested...)