i cAnt dO iT

i have certain days where the weight of responsibility to raise a little boy into a Godly man seems to overwhelm me. to be entirely honest, there are days (seemingly tied to hormones for they come every month at just about the same time) where all of life's responsibilities seem inconquerable yet ive learned this is just a little emotional cycle that i go through and usually am able to wait it out until things return to being bearable, which they always do. yet the task of trying to raise a son to love God, to respect people, to love his neighbors, to not burp and explode in laughter and ask everyone within earshot if theyve heard him, to sit quietly and respectfully in church, to not cheat, to protect his loved ones, to share, to embrace purity, to forgive, to understand grace, etc... of these, i find myself apprehensive of nearly every day. how can i, not even being a man myself and certainly not understanding why they are the way that they are (at times) raise one of them and do it successfully? i think that ive found the answer to my question: i can't. im merely human and completely underqualified for the task at hand. yet, i believe that Joey will become a Godly man because i have faith in the God who created him and His power is great, so great in fact that it will overcome any and all weaknesses in me (of which there are way too many to count). i alone am incapable of this great task, yet God has asked that we trust Him to fill our voids. i do have days, many in fact, where i feel like this uphill journey has gotten the best of me. but i cant lose faith in my God who's power is made perfect in my weakness. i can't lose faith for myself, but also for the little life entrusted to me. my faith in this situation is my greatest weapon as i can't do it. thank God though that He can...

anD AlliE

(does she not look the gerber's baby?)

liTtle viCtoRieS

im not sure, but i think i may have missed my calling in life. let me explain... i was mistaken in my last post about this past weekend's festivities including croquet. that was not on the agenda, however a horseshoe tournament was. coming into this weekend, i was not aware of how the game of horseshoes was played. id known of the game, but it was all hypothetical to me as id never actually seen or experienced it played before. so when i was told that id been paired up with somebody for the weekend's big tourney, i felt i was going into this whole thing rather blindly. i had no idea what to expect. let me further let you know that down where we were, there are some serious, kick-ass horseshoe players. this is no understatement, these people take there horseshoe play seriously. it was intimidating no doubt. yet, perhaps i work best under pressure because despite all of these obstacles that i faced, i was able to perservere. so anyways, we start the tournament around 2 saturday afternoon. there are brackets pre-arranged ( it kinda felt like the ncaa tournament a little..) and my partner (J.P...who is Radonna's stepbrother) are up first game. keep in mind, id never held a horseshoe before, and it certainly showed. although my partner was able to keep the game tight, we ended up losing 21-17 or something like that. if anyone cares to know the details of the rules involved in horseshoes, just call me, ill spare you right now. lucky for us, this tournament is double elimination. so we move into the loser's bracket. needless to say, it was a few hours before we were up again as the rest of the teams had there go at it. losers were placed in the loser's bracket (duh) and winner's kept on going. this is the turning point in the story. J.P. and i were rounded up around 5 to begin play in the loser's bracket. i don't know if it was the couple hour break or if it was all the acrewed knowledge id gotten watching everyone else play, but something began to click, and we, well, we freakin rocked. granted, J.P. definently carried most of the weight, i did contribute here and there, and 4 wins later we found ourselves winners of the loser's bracket which meant we were to face the winners of the winners bracket for the championship. this just happened to be radonna and her brother which made for a bitter family rivalry, well not really, but my dad did have a tough time choosing who to cheer for. because they had yet to lose, we had to beat them twice. we were nearly losing light at this point as it was close to 8, yet we were still holding strong. the first game was back and forth, a real nail-biter, yet J.P. and i pulled through barely escaping with a 21-19 victory. second game starts and we were out for the kill, as was proven early as we both threw ringers (yes, i know this is horseshoe lingo, but i am a horseshoe player now and can use it.) which means we got the horseshoe around the little pole thing which gave us a 10-0 lead. another rule,which again u can ask me later if u really care about, led us to skunk them after scoring 1 more point thereby winning the entire tournament. it was fantastic. there were no fireworks or anything as we scored the last point, although im surprised there weren't quite honestly just b/c of the importance this game holds to these people. there were no trophies either for the winners, but there were lottery tickets, like 10 of them that we split. i actually won 7$ for my efforts and cashed them in this morning, which was another first for me, id never won in the lottery before. so, in conclusion, it was a weekend of firsts. it was exciting and fun and has led me to believe that i may need to consider quitting school once again and pursue my career in horseshoes.

vaCay

its almost amusing to look back and see how your perspective on certain things change as time goes on. i guess it depends on where you are in life and what not, but here is a classic example of this. i am leaving today to go to West Virginia to spend the weekend with my stepmom's family. there is barely anything planned, except for this big family gathering on saturday which festivities include cooking out, swimming, and perhaps some croquet. other then that there is nothing on the agenda. and i could not be more excited. add to this the fact that i just finished the revision of a paper which upon its conclusion, concluded my first set of classes for this semester. i've got nothing doing school wise till monday. last night i worked my last shift at moretti's until next tuesday. my responsiblities have vanished for a couple of days and i feel, well, i think blissful would be an appropriate word. there couldn't be a better way to spend a responsiblity-less weekend then doing absolutely nothing in the midst of some beautiful countryside. im siked. the amusment comes from the fact that a few years ago, a weekend of nothing would have been the furthest thing in my mind from a vacation. vacation once meant stuff to do, things to go see, places to go... right now in my life, that just seems stressful! and so times have changed, as have i, although im sure they will again...

AslAn

"And so the girls did what they would never have dared to do without his permission, but what they had longed to do ever since they first saw him-buried their cold hands in the beautiful sea of fur and stroked it and, so doing, walked with him."

from...The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe..by C.S. Lewis

i'm not really sure why, but as Joey and i were reading this book tonight, these words brought tears to my eyes. this image of a strong and scary lion who yearned for those who feared him to be close, close enough to touch him is such a powerful one to me. in all the hoopla surrounding Christ's love and affection, i sometimes forget that He is still this mighty warrior who fights real fights and is all-powerful and all-dominant. these characteristics seemingly clash with the docile lover He is so often portrayed as but no, He is both. power and love. good yet dangerous. and He desires us to come closer to Him, to touch Him, to feel Him. all the while, He fights for me, for my protection, for my life. props to c.s lewis for such an accurate portrayal of He who is our Lord.