mY beauTiful MesS: May 2006

aRt

so, im taking this humanities in western civilization class, which i was honestly not looking forward to at all. i really, really like it though and am finding it very interesting. I've not decided if that is a sign of old age, or if its b/c i just classified anything new and unexplored as boring when i was in highschool. at any rate, i like it. thought this was an interesting quote, and being that Columbus is having an ARTS festival this weekend and my church is holding an ARTS forum on saturday, i need to write it downs somewhere so i can ponder it a little further..." the failure of language is the success of art." Yea, ponder that one people.

wOw...

soOn To be SAdLy sOlved

after a day of fun (w/ magna and Joey..), fellowship (small group), food (cookout style), fox (american idol), fulfilled needs (God), and frying my brain (studying), i was feeling at peace with the day i've had and all it entailed. one last check of the email and i was off to silent slumber. but the headline caught my eye, and although sensing that it may contain some type of info that would potentially nag at my thoughts as i layed in bed, i had to read the article that followed. news is bad. it seems to only get worse. i am admittedly ignorant as to what goes on in the world, a little more knowledgable on the city in which i live, but still rather avoidant of the local headlines. someday, i hope i might change. right now, i have no intentions to. sometimes, it seems like the burdens of my own life can be too much to take in. and then, when watching the news, i see stories like this one, i can't let them go. i add these burdens to my load, and just become sad because of the weight and weariness they cause. an example, you might ask? Emily Rimmell. I don't know, maybe a year and a half or so ago they showed her picture on the news as a missing child. there was something about her little face that i couldn't get out of my head. she was 5. she looked sad. a week later they made an arrest. i can still see this guy in my head as well. he makes my stomach turn. he was a friend of the family. he slept at her moms house alot. he admitted to raping her before she disappeared. it looks as if he may have killed her as well. today they found a little skull that they believe to be hers. its hard to find good things in the news. sometimes its hard to believe that God works all things for good. but i do believe this. i have to, because if the hope in God doesn't exist, does hope exist? i don't know the good that will be brought about from the rape and killing of a little, innocent 5 year old. perhaps in her death, she tasted hope. maybe God was rescuing her from what looked like repetitive,unescapable glimpses of hell. maybe the only way to peace for Emily was through a brutal, violent death. and yet, thats the only way to peace for any of us. the brutal, violent death of Christ bought us the chance to receive this peace so undeserved. God's son. He watched His own Son suffer and die. to offer hope and peace. to us. and hopefully to the little ones like Emily. the peace that He offered me at the cross, I took Him up on it. It's unexplainable really. it takes the tragic, and though it doesn't take the tragedy away, it soothes as it reminds me that God loves and knows all of His little ones. He loved Emily, and all the other ones that have no voice. He loved them to death. That brings me peace. He's in control and knows what He's doing. Sin is Sad, but He will conquer, and perhaps in Emily Rimmell's case, He has already conquered the sin she fell victim of and is now holding her tightly and safely in His arms. I hope, and i can hope because I know HE is good. that a death may bring peace. to her, to us all.

"Love slays what we have been that we may be what we were not."

St. Augustine

AbBey oF Mont-sT.-MIcheL

i just was reading about this, and thought it was spectacular enough to share. maybe you don't, and thats ok. this was begun back in 1020 when they used the Romanesque style for church's that displayed the apocalyptic vision of the Fortress of God. i think its a pretty cool fortress. i think that if i get to design (or remodel, someday) my place in heaven, i want a Romanesque fortress as well. anyways, this one's off the coast of Normandy in France. it took over five centuries to build. and its beautiful.

pAls

"Grace always surprises me by the wonder of God's infinite compassion, but His infinite compassion means little if I do not have [and admit...] my infinite need." Rose Marie Miller

whY

why is a question that i think needs to be asked more often. people so readily judge something without asking the why's behind it. thus they unknowingly base their opinions on the current reality as opposed to digging a bit deeper and searching for the why's involved of how this became the current reality. why is a good question. its a question that many people may be asked about themselves and not even know the answer. it does involve more effort, and i think this is why so many don't bother to ponder it or pursue it. or maybe, i've just inherited my mother's genes, and that is why i think more why's should be asked, because i think about the why's when it comes to most things. why, you may ask, am i writing about why? why, do i have a point? of course. elliott yamin is my point. so many are like, why him? why? why clay aiken? why, why why? this is the why behind my boys...as everyone realizes, when you get out of highschool, the coolness factor matters no more. you can be who you are, and are no longer put into a certain group or social class based on your cool, or lack there of, factor. ok, well maybe the heirarchy still exists as far as a social ladder, but to most, its not as in your face as it is in highschool and middle school, and usually its no longer based on coolness. so, probably, at least if they had gone to my middle school, guys like Clay and Elliott would have been in the loser catergory, or class, if you will. this sucks, i know because i was so loser status in jr high. and although as time goes on, you lose the stereotypes and move on, (and in my case, become ultra cool) you still will never forget those awful years when you knew that you just didn't have "it", whatever "it" was. and so yes, i do like the underdog. i can relate to them, we've shared a common bond, and when people such as these accomplish something like they have on American Idol, it makes me, as a former fellow middleschool loser very, very proud of what we can accomplish. and this is why i love elliott:)

aNger??

i believe there has been another first in my life. i am on a roll with firsts. actually this may not be the first time, but it is probably the first time i've realized what was going on. hold on, let me slow down. let me get a hold of myself and explain:) today, i was angry. like, seeing red and feeling wrathful angry. yes, i know this may sound like an everyday occurance to some people i've known and marrie...um, scratch that. anyhow, those who know me well know that i am very rarely angry, ok never angry. like to a fault. i've been advised and counseled, by official advisors and counselors, i might add, that anger is a good thing, Jesus got angry, and being angry is not a wrong thing as long as its not harbored and it is expressed in an appropriate way. and all of these facts, i've been well aware of, but i guess i'd just determined that anger just wasn't my thing. i mean, ive tried to get angry, don't get me wrong. but i think it loses something when you know what emotion you are shooting to feel, and somehow, it just doesn't happen that way. back to today. i was vacuuming. a simple chore, and yet one that really can get under my skin. it was just one thing after another with the cleaning today and after vacuuming a room and realizing nothing had been picked up, cleaning the entire vacuum out, then realizing the bag needed emptied, then running into every possible peice of furniture that i own, i was freaking pissed (excuse my language). and for those of you who are like, "oh my gosh, she's mad at a vacuum cleaner?" let me just tell you, as i sat down and realized my jaws hurt because they were so clenched, every muscle in my body was tense, my forehead felt like my brain would protrude at any minute because of the stress and anger i was feeling, i suddenly realized, "I am angry. I am feeling anger right now. Holy Cow, i now realize that the thought of throwing the Hoover out the front window and then using the hose to break all the other windows is just anger." it was an ah-ha moment. and a hurray, lets celebrate moment. and don't you worry, because although it is a mere vacuum today, i may be well on my way to feeling anger towards those who may be responsible for taking my anger, and lots else away from me from the very beginning. oh yea, i'll get there. someday, and today is proof of that. thank you God, for vacuums that are helping to expose the anger within...;)

i mAde THe cAll

in talking with my mom this evening, i realized that i had apparently retained more bird knowledge then i was aware of during her years as a bird watcher store employee. back in the day, my brother and i would constantly roll our eyes as little tidbits of bird info came our way, but now, I am thankful for all that my mom taught me, and actually use the knowledge, when i can. this happened to take place on saturday as i was sitting with a friend and getting harassed by a bird. this bird would not leave us alone, and i realized his protectiveness in gaurding the area where we were located probably was due to some nest close by. as soon as we moved, the bird left us alone. i then looked closer at the bird and realized that it was a tufted titmouse(ok, in all honesty, it is one of the only bird names that i can recall, but i found out tonite in describing it to my mom that it indeed was a tufted titmouse, i was right:) ). yea, how many 25 year olds can bust that out? "yes, I believe that bird is a tufted titmouse, belonging to the titmice family." probably not too many even know there is such a family. thanks mom, because of you, i do know a tufted titmouse when i see one.

a tRue bEAr sTory

check this out. a bear story thats for real. double check, you who validate the truth of internet stories. yea, you know who you are....:)

a ShoCKer

although my boy is still alive and kickin, the unthinkable occured last night on A.I. as Chris was ousted. i really couldn't believe my eyes when Ryan (my other boy) called Chris' name as opposed to Katherine's. What the heck? I think they do this at least once every season, fixing it so that one of AMerica's fav's go home to piss the public off so that more people will vote, and then they'll hit new records in numbers of people watching and voting for thier show. Thats my personal opinion, but in being a tried and true viewer of the competition for the last 4 seasons, this is a pattern I've noticed and I'm calling them out. So yes, I have figured you out, American Idol. Ha.