aNger??

i believe there has been another first in my life. i am on a roll with firsts. actually this may not be the first time, but it is probably the first time i've realized what was going on. hold on, let me slow down. let me get a hold of myself and explain:) today, i was angry. like, seeing red and feeling wrathful angry. yes, i know this may sound like an everyday occurance to some people i've known and marrie...um, scratch that. anyhow, those who know me well know that i am very rarely angry, ok never angry. like to a fault. i've been advised and counseled, by official advisors and counselors, i might add, that anger is a good thing, Jesus got angry, and being angry is not a wrong thing as long as its not harbored and it is expressed in an appropriate way. and all of these facts, i've been well aware of, but i guess i'd just determined that anger just wasn't my thing. i mean, ive tried to get angry, don't get me wrong. but i think it loses something when you know what emotion you are shooting to feel, and somehow, it just doesn't happen that way. back to today. i was vacuuming. a simple chore, and yet one that really can get under my skin. it was just one thing after another with the cleaning today and after vacuuming a room and realizing nothing had been picked up, cleaning the entire vacuum out, then realizing the bag needed emptied, then running into every possible peice of furniture that i own, i was freaking pissed (excuse my language). and for those of you who are like, "oh my gosh, she's mad at a vacuum cleaner?" let me just tell you, as i sat down and realized my jaws hurt because they were so clenched, every muscle in my body was tense, my forehead felt like my brain would protrude at any minute because of the stress and anger i was feeling, i suddenly realized, "I am angry. I am feeling anger right now. Holy Cow, i now realize that the thought of throwing the Hoover out the front window and then using the hose to break all the other windows is just anger." it was an ah-ha moment. and a hurray, lets celebrate moment. and don't you worry, because although it is a mere vacuum today, i may be well on my way to feeling anger towards those who may be responsible for taking my anger, and lots else away from me from the very beginning. oh yea, i'll get there. someday, and today is proof of that. thank you God, for vacuums that are helping to expose the anger within...;)