HiS pErfEct tiMinG (agAiN)

Although it is currently the 26th of August, I find myself a bit behind in my read through the Bible in a year calender. I'm only on April 24 (and for some reason began the whole program on Feb. 18's reading which means from a technical standpoint, im not doing so hot at all in getting through the Bible in a year...) im ok with that though cuz i find somedays (well, obviously most days:) ) if i read all of the recommended readings, i lose any meaning that was intended to be gained. and so i just have resorted to doing whatever is right for each day...sometimes the whole reading, sometimes just a portion, some days half of it, and alot of days ive found i dont even make it to reading. anyways, i vacillate between viewing myself as a lazy procrastinator who cant even get in a consistant reading everyday and the standpoint that I can only do what I can and trust God that He will work through whatever part of His word(even ittybitty sections) I am able to read. this is just all background info to the point im attempting to make, which would be this: God has orchestrated my sporatic, inconsistent reading of His word into this amazing schedule which He's correlated His words that I read precisely to what is going on in my life. For example, lately it seems like I've been facing more, seemingly impossible situations that appear entirely too time-consuming and downright inconquerable and neverending. They get to me at times and I'm left feeling defeated. Yet I've been reading (according to thereadthroughtheBibleinayearSchedule) Joshua and each morning I turn there I read about another "impossible" battle situation and over and over the same outcome ensues. God's affirmations of His control, His guidance, and ultimately His victory. One after another after another. "All these kings and their lands Joshua conquered in one campaign, because the LORD, the God of Israel, fought for Israel." (Josh 10:41) Likewise, He's fighting for me. And He's already won. The little battles remain in my life, yet they've already been determined. In bringing this back to its beginnings, Ive determined that God has been in charge of my reading schedule. For how else could I have read the exact stories that I've read on the exact days in which I needed to read them? God's timing is perfect, and for this i am thankful!!

UndEr-qUaliFieD

yesterday i started a new semester. the formats at Liberty have changed. instead of classes that are 16 weeks in length, most have changed to an eight week format. so, im still taking a total of 4 classes a semester, i just take 2 the first 8 weeks and 2 the next. im not gonna lie, im a little apprehensive about this. they seem to pack the majority of the work of a 16 week class into merely half the time. in fact, i began one of these last semester and had to drop it just b/c of the amount of work, well and because of the fact that my life could not have possibly been any crazier at that time. anyhoo...my anxiety levels have only risen the last two days as i've delved into these first two classes. im taking an adolescent psych class which is interesting. its not so bad. and then im taking a theology class. as i began the reading, my thoughts of my own incompetency began taking over. which led to thoughts such as... "what was i thinking taking this course?" and "im way too dumb for this" and "this class should be only for men, they seem to be the theologians." these all crossed my mind not long after i finished reading the first sentence of the introduction for the fifth time(it was that hard to comprehend...). i found myself, once again, seemingly over my head, this time just too plain dumb to take on the class at hand. and then i remembered the learned lessons i've experienced lately. i don't muster up my own strength and "smartness," I need to leave that to God. I've got to trust that He's got a purpose for me through this class, and that I can do "all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me." so, as my grandpa says, "onward and upward" here's to theology201 and to a God who's capable of making an unqualified individual such as myself, learn and grow through it.

Me aNd mY 4 yeaR OLd...(4?!!!)

jUst A meMorY LapSe

i completely forgot about this thing. like really, it has slipped my mind for the past month that i even had a blog. which makes absolutely no sense really, because ive been in between semesters, so you'd think that would have created more time to think about stuff that dont really matter. not so, apparently. actually, the last couple of weeks have been crazy in other ways and i've realized that i actually prefer the stress of school to the stress of life. so, i'd planned on using the couple of weeks off of school to catch up on stuff that needs to be done..paperwork, reading, yadiyadiya. yea, that didn't work out for me. the details are tedious and dont really matter to many but me, but the events range from minor (searching, attaining, and then quitting a job) to major (having a friends baby hospitalized w/ seizures and the subsequent waiting game) and then lots of things that would fall in between. its been emotionally draining. which has further complicated the past few weeks as a couple of days were thrown in that consisted of nothing but being depressed and sad and worthless to the world. and then i got pissed because i had had all these things that I wanted and needed to do during this time and i'd not gotten to any of them. so im pouting and what not, and then i had a couple of revalations, in the midst of this selfish bout of pity. first of all, who am i to think i can allot this time for this or that time for that. uh-uh, goodness, i've been through this a million times. if i could just keep it consistently in my head, i'd be better off. GOD is in control...of everything. i know better then to schedule something so definentively in my mind and then get annoyed when something else comes up. Life is so much easier when this concept is absorbed, cuz then i just can let it go, knowing someone bigger and greater has a plan. so that was my first aha moment, to not rely on my own plans and timings... secondly, i realized how Satan uses busy-ness and chaos to dull God's presence and work. i always equate the enemy's work to evil, but i think to those who are on to his game, he uses some slyer tactics at times. take this past month as an example. although trials ensued, i let the craziness of all these situations get to me, and thus forgot about the Creator, and his workings that are there even through the trials. His fingerprints are scattered throughout the last month of my life, but in the moment, i missed them all. i most certainly let the chaos of life engulf my energy and emotions, and was left with nothing except a chip on my shoulder. its a subtle game that Satan plays, and it can be effective, no doubt. im thankful though, that ive seen through it, and although im sure ill fall victim to it again, i hope ill recognize it faster next time. so, in conclusion, August has been crazy, and only looks to get crazier as i start a new semester on MOnday and my baby(he always gets annoyed when i call him that, insisting he is not a baby anymore...but he is and always will be my baby, right??) starts preschool in a few weeks, but im relinquishing control to the Master of schedules. and please, if any of you in my life who sense a moment of despair in me regaurding this issue, remind me of the previous statement...i need alot of reminding:)