jUst A meMorY LapSe

i completely forgot about this thing. like really, it has slipped my mind for the past month that i even had a blog. which makes absolutely no sense really, because ive been in between semesters, so you'd think that would have created more time to think about stuff that dont really matter. not so, apparently. actually, the last couple of weeks have been crazy in other ways and i've realized that i actually prefer the stress of school to the stress of life. so, i'd planned on using the couple of weeks off of school to catch up on stuff that needs to be done..paperwork, reading, yadiyadiya. yea, that didn't work out for me. the details are tedious and dont really matter to many but me, but the events range from minor (searching, attaining, and then quitting a job) to major (having a friends baby hospitalized w/ seizures and the subsequent waiting game) and then lots of things that would fall in between. its been emotionally draining. which has further complicated the past few weeks as a couple of days were thrown in that consisted of nothing but being depressed and sad and worthless to the world. and then i got pissed because i had had all these things that I wanted and needed to do during this time and i'd not gotten to any of them. so im pouting and what not, and then i had a couple of revalations, in the midst of this selfish bout of pity. first of all, who am i to think i can allot this time for this or that time for that. uh-uh, goodness, i've been through this a million times. if i could just keep it consistently in my head, i'd be better off. GOD is in control...of everything. i know better then to schedule something so definentively in my mind and then get annoyed when something else comes up. Life is so much easier when this concept is absorbed, cuz then i just can let it go, knowing someone bigger and greater has a plan. so that was my first aha moment, to not rely on my own plans and timings... secondly, i realized how Satan uses busy-ness and chaos to dull God's presence and work. i always equate the enemy's work to evil, but i think to those who are on to his game, he uses some slyer tactics at times. take this past month as an example. although trials ensued, i let the craziness of all these situations get to me, and thus forgot about the Creator, and his workings that are there even through the trials. His fingerprints are scattered throughout the last month of my life, but in the moment, i missed them all. i most certainly let the chaos of life engulf my energy and emotions, and was left with nothing except a chip on my shoulder. its a subtle game that Satan plays, and it can be effective, no doubt. im thankful though, that ive seen through it, and although im sure ill fall victim to it again, i hope ill recognize it faster next time. so, in conclusion, August has been crazy, and only looks to get crazier as i start a new semester on MOnday and my baby(he always gets annoyed when i call him that, insisting he is not a baby anymore...but he is and always will be my baby, right??) starts preschool in a few weeks, but im relinquishing control to the Master of schedules. and please, if any of you in my life who sense a moment of despair in me regaurding this issue, remind me of the previous statement...i need alot of reminding:)