i'M goOd

i dont really know where to start so ill just type and hopefully at some point it will all flow and make sense. and if not, i apologize in advance. i have recently found myself more and more often in this state of inadequacy. and it can be brought on by anything however it usually relates to people and how they seem to be so much more competent in this or that or for that matter this and that. im reading this book by Donald Miller, which i oh so highly recommend, and he puts this whole phenomenon in terms that make so much more sense then i could ever try to relate(not that im inadequate or anything...). he talks about that old lifeboat scenario with somebody having to be thrown out so that everyone else in the lifeboat will live. and so everybody comes up with lists and reasons as to what makes them qualifiable and good and worthy to escape being thrown out of the boat. he then relates this to life and says life is basically like a giant lifeboat in which we all walk around trying to prove ourselves to everyone else. even Christians do this, ok, maybe not all of you, but i do this (hence the reasons for my feelings of inadequacy). i am forever sizing myself up....intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, physically to whomever im around and because i tend to stray towards the "im worthless" side of the whole ego spectrum, im constantly running into this unworthiness feeling which is all-together stupid and unnecessary. ok, so all of this has been the dilemna. and the solution is obvious to the CHristian, yet takes awhile to truly incorporate it into the day to day (at least for me..) Miller seems to convey this solution better then me....

"...if it is true that our personalities are similar to the way they would be in a lifeboat, because of the fall of man, then Jesus would act and think completely different than we would. He would act and think like somebody who had their needs met by God, like somebody who had no regard for what we thought was important or not important. He would find the things humanity finds valuable and worthless absurd, and to the person in the lifeboat, Jesus would seem to see things backward." (from Searching For God Knows What)

so, Jesus has turned the way we look at everything: ourselves, others, the world, completely around and it is genious! i was reading the other day and came across Psalm 149:4. "For the LORD takes delight in His people." there are no qualifiers to that verse. thats amazing if you really think about it. God not only likes, but He takes pleasure in me just because He made me. i dont have to prove myself to Him. i dont have to talk smart or be smart or wear mascara or pray pretty prayers. nothing, i just am one of His and therefore, He delights. this has been good news. and im pretty sure that as soon as i walk into joey's preschool tomorrow my mind will start throwing inadequecy darts (that was a good one...) yet i pray that someday this Truth will cement itself into my soul...

sPidEr-GoD

life with a 5 year old boy can be exhausting yet entirely entertaining, to say the least. we are constantly conversing about superheroes and superpowers and all this what not. i am somewhat ambivalent towards these discussions as im not a guy and i quite honestly just dont get the attraction towards fighting and killing and all of this. but i endure and even put forth a genuine effort at times to use these elusive superpowers in our ongoing, daily wars between the good and the bad. the other night joey asked me what superpower i was going to ask for when i got to heaven. it caught me offguard as id never contemplated this before and went with the generic invisibility trait. i was promptly informed that he would choose the power of webbing because he was pretty sure God uses this all the time. it sparked a rather interesting conversation and i came away fairly convinced that God may indeed retain the ability to web enemies if He so desires. ive thought about this way more then one would think throughout the last couple of days and have decided that i may start praying for God to enact this power in the here and now. i mean come on, if He has the ability to simply speak the entire universe into existance, i'm pretty sure that Joey is on to something in that He has the power to web our enemies if this is what He so chooses to do. i share this only to warn those who hold any animosity towards me and mine. there could be a day in the near future where you find yourself webbed. im just saying...

vAcaY viA pHotOs

rather then attempt to describe the last 3 weeks of my life, i will lay it all out there in photo-form. its been crazy. tonight marks only the 3rd night since december 17th in which ive slept in my own bed. vacations are good but the fact that they come to an end is also good. it seems time for real life to begin again and im thankful to be home. the following pics are either from Georgia, Ohio, Maryland or Pennsylvania and yes, there is one of me on the very steps that Rocky himself ran up. i chose merely to sit however, just in case you are interested. anyways, merry christmas, happy new year, yadiyadiya...onto life as we know it.