REdEemeD

its almost Easter. i just unpacked a box with my easter decorations in it and pulled out pastel candy holders, a couple bunny figurines and way too much of that annoying grass that you put into Easter baskets, that stuff gets everywhere and somehow i am still randomly finding it here and there in the house through like the 4th of July. Easter has always been just a day where i usually go to bed with a stomach ache because of too much candy. a day where ive always had to get up early to spend an extra 15 minutes getting ready for church (well, at least until i started going to G.C.). its just been a day i kind of could give or take, the highlight being the new candy my mom had found to put into our baskets. until this year. this year is different. although the candy and bunnies are out on my table, the picture of my redemption is what truly should be portrayed and displayed. this year has been a little snapshot of that redemption. it feels more like a huge portrait now, but in God's entire plan, its probably only a very little piece. i know i haven't grasped the magnitude of Christ's death. the love involved, the pain involved, the pureness He was maimed for. i can't pretend and say i even a little bit comprehend the depths of it, because i don't. its too big for me to get my thoughts around. and yet, even though I've only scratched the surface in understanding this grace, God has already unveiled my eyes to see and experience the benefits of my redemption. Its like He's rewarded me with an A when the material I should know and understand to attain such a grade really wouldn't even earn me a D. I guess thats just grace. it is amazing, and incredible in that I am only at the beginning of its transformation of me but have seen its mighty power, and I have only years ahead to soak more and more in. it's given me forever at no cost. i've been redeemed. but i've also seen it transform my life on another level this last year. redemption, that is. the following are words I wrote in my journal precisely 365 nights ago...."I am very anxious right now. * called at 4 and said he was going to the going away party. Its now 10. *'s phone is turned off. I just have a very bad feeling about it. I already put my keys in the car and was going to pack a bag but figured if I just go to S's, I'll be home in the morning. he said earlier he'd be home around 9. It's wierd b/c S just asked me today if I'd packed a bag 'just in case'. We'd talked about that awhile ago and b/c *'s temper has pretty much depleted, I haven't even thought about it. Was that a sign? i've tried to call him mainly b/c he probably needs a ride home 6 hours of drinking-and he's still going- he won't ask for a ride, he never has. I just wish he'd call and I could gauge what I should expect. I'll never fall asleep now. This is the first time, going into it, that I've prepared myself to call the police. Hopefully he hasn't even drank, but I know he has, and for this long, it will get ugly. I'm going to stand up for myself-if he won't let me out of the house, I'll call the cops. I hate always walking on pins and needles, not knowing what to expect." Those were my words from exactly one year ago tonight. the events spinning off from that particular night brought redemption in a tangible way to my life. although there have been some extremely rough days and weeks the past year, I look back at it as a whole, and I see redemption as a picture of Christ's arms wrapped around me, embracing me tenderly yet firmly as He makes sure I withstand those hard times so I am able to experience the grace that follows. and here I now sit..no more nights fearing how bad it will be this time. no more bondage.im free. Christ's freed me. Redeemed me. Its been an amazing year. i think im going to throw all my bunny figurines away. simply because they really have absolutely nothing at all to do with what Easter is all about. they were cute in years past. cute means nothing though, once you've had a glimpse of redemption.