JesUs...

first of all, props to the fact that this is my second post in a mere 48 hours. what is up with that? actually it probably has everything to do with the fact that i should be working on my resume but have found something much less productive to spend my time doing. thats just the way i roll. however i do feel the compulsion to share the hope that continues to overflow (albeit in waves but nevertheless tonight) and so, i share....i just got back from Celebrate REcovery. celebrate recovery is a Christian 12 step program that i have been attending for almost a year and a half. and its a very beautiful thing. it is a program that based itself on the 12 steps from AA yet placed its foundation solely on Christ. i go to it every thursday night and while at first was skeptical to even admit this to anyone, my perspective has been transformed into the realization that each and every Christian might benefit from attending a program such as this. and this is why....no matter our struggles as Christians, we each have the tendency to be drawn to something other than Jesus with which to feel good about ourselves or to deal with the struggles that this life and sin and brokenness brings. for some of us, it may look good on the outside, perhaps even down right "CHristian" but if we are honest, truly honest, we can realize that at times we all struggle to embrace Christ only as our Savior. this group, for me and for my life, has provided a beautiful picture of grace. it is a refuge where sinful, broken people can come and admit freely their sin and their brokenness. the size of the sin doesn't matter (even though we as humans are quick to categorize the degree of sin in our own minds). neither does the length of time the sin has been struggled with. all that matters in this group is the awareness of sin and how it is impossible for any of us to fix it by relying on our own devices. and this is where the beauty is portrayed each and every week. Jesus is lifted up and acknowledged as not only Savior and Provider but as Healer and Forgiver. this is what life, at its core, is about. Jesus. thats it. its simple yet profound. He's beautiful and yet the beauty of His love and sacrifice can only be found as we, as I, live out of the brokenness that is myself when I attempt to live without Him. when i first started going to this group, i felt like i was just one of those people who had hard core sin issues that needed a place like this for support. yet as i've grown in my realizations about Christ and life, i feel like this is where all of us should be living as Christians. not that we all have to go out and be a part of some type of 12 step Christian group (although it wouldn't hurt anything, in my opinion) but we do need to live out of this brokenness. i have felt and seen the power and healing that comes from admitting sin and handing it over to Christ each and every thursday night that i have attended these meetings. and even in the growth that has resulted in my life, I feel an even greater need to stay in this group. not for some chance that i will be healed of my sin once and for all by the attendance of some meeting, but for the mere fact that i need not ever forget my utter brokenness nor the beauty of Christ's love for us, for sinners. it is raw and it is painful to dig deep and admit my powerlessness to control my tendencies towards sin, yet its rewards are amazingly clear... Jesus is power and love and healing and this, my friends, is a very good thing....

mY bAby, nO mOrE??

tuesday marked yet another transition in the elliott household. kindergarten. it was extremely bittersweet. im not gonna lie, most days this summer were spent with me yearning for the first day of school to hurry itself up. it was probably the combination of joey being older and therefore super bored as well as being basically homebound with the kids that i babysit, but whatever the reason, summer days just seemed to drag on and on. he was bored, i was bored, it was just kinda boring and i knew he needed more stimulation than i was capable of providing. last week, he turned six. i didn't think this would be a big deal yet as i went to pray for him after he had fallen asleep that night, i just started weeping. i don't typically use that word, weep, but it seems appropriate for this scenario as thats what it was, a weep-fest. i found myself mourning that we'd hit this new life stage and while it is exciting and necessary and welcomed, it is also the end of lazy mornings at home, summer days spent at the pool, and life as a stay-at-home mom as i know it. and it is sad. i only perpetuated the situation by pulling out all his baby pictures and crying (weeping) some more. anyways, this past tuesday officially marked the first day of kindergarten. i didn't cry as i dropped him off, like some of the moms did. i actually didn't even think i was going to cry at all, but as i came home to a quiet, empty house, reality hit. all that i have yearned for the last few years is quiet-ness. i love it, i adore silence and it isn't, ever, quiet with joey around. yet as i came and sat down in the quietness, the tears came again. its a good quiet as it symbolizes that he's healthy and growing and doing things that 6 year olds do, like going to school. but a sad quiet as the reality of life as we've known it will look different from now on. this probably sounds like a eulogy or something and thats silly because there is so much to be thankful and excited for. but its a transition no less which is usually marked with both happy and sad. anyways, yay for kindergarten:)

iT's OFficiaLLy oFfiCiaL

im done. a couple of hours ago i submitted my last final which signified the conclusion of my somewhat long, extensive undergraduate career, if you can call it that. its been a very non-traditional journey yet i am learning that the majority of my life can not be categorized under anything carrying the label of traditional. its taken 3 schools and 9 years (though not all of them was i in school) but its done. i guess im excited, although its kinda surreal. its a phase of life i was quite sure id never reach the end of and so even though i have, it probably won't feel like it for awhile. at times, its been a great escape as the pressures of life have sometimes been able to be suppressed by the pressures of deadlines and papers and such. at other times ive felt like ive been drowning because of the combination of life's pressures and deadlines and papers and such. so graduation is a good thing. an uncertain thing as i dont know exactly "whats next" is going to look like. but good all the same. perhaps ill find more time to blog. but probably not...