jUst keEpiNg iT REaL

im not so sure what will transpire here, so just bear with me and if nothing comes together, so be it. today was a rough day for me and while there are no obligations to share that with those who may happen upon this blog, i did have this compelling urge to write about it. its a rather cathartic experience, writing, and things always feels better afterwards: thus i write. so anyways, my bad day.... the bad-ness originated as soon as my alarm clock started ringing. i knew it was going to be a rough day. i was tired and i could just tell. the details are unnecessary but suffice it to say that nothing seemed to go right today, really, nothing. these events were just the catalyst though, as i knew that really deep down, there was more then just these irritating events. and here's what i think it was: sometimes life doesn't at all look like what we'd planned it to look like. there it is, on the table... at 27, my life is not even a glimmer of what i thought or hoped it might be if id have thought about it ten or twenty years ago. and most of the time, im ok with this reality. living my life has given me perspectives, experiences, and wisdom that i obviously would never have known before. it has made my faith real and experiential and pretty exciting at times. it's been good and mostly, i am grateful for the life ive lived and am living. and then there are days like today when i look around and am like what the hell? how in the world did i end up here? while i was at the wedding this past weekend, it was hard not to look around and think that i had really screwed up somewhere. people are doing exciting things, families are doing exciting things and i guess i always dreamed of living and having those same experiences. i don't know, i could go on and on about how life should be and how its not that way. i guess everyone could maybe. and i think that this is ok. its ok to be sad about things that you wished would be but aren't. its ok to be disappointed that things aren't really at all how you thought they'd be. however, i don't think that it would be ok to dwell on these types of things either. and this is why.... God is real and He is so much bigger then any situation i may find myself drowning in at the moment. He does have a plan and im in it, thanks only to His grace. His plan is good and while it may be hard for me (today and on many others) to fathom just how all of this will transpire to goodness, it will, and it already has (on most days..:) ) and this is why im thankful for writing...you see, ive just counseled myself right through this little lull of emotions. sadness is ok to walk through, although i wish to be done with it for now. it's time again for hope...goodnight:)