aN InSight

I have been realizing lately, as i lie in bed, how truly hard it is to really think about one or two things at a time. although i've always known this about myself, it seems lately to be really really frustrating because there seem to be so many things that i would like to truly p0nder and ruminate on, and yet within 5 or 10 seconds I'll realize that I've already thought and moved on to something else, usually more then once in that short span of time. even trying really hard to focus on one thing, my mind somehow drifts elsewhere and try as i might, i can't help it. there are moments of pure concentration, don't get me wrong, but the second i consciounsly think about having been able to concentrate, that moment is lost, and my mind is once again off to something else. so anyways, for some reason last night, i realized how to describe this inner working of my brain and the thoughts that come in and out of my head. its a perfect analogy as to what i feel my thoughtpattern resembles, and it may not make sense to anybody else, unless of course, they too have this problem. so, there is this screensaver on my computer, i think its on every computer, except maybe for apples, because im so not up on technology, so i dont knwo what those things have for screensavers. anyhow, this screensaver has been on every computer i've owned so far and is called mystify. its like these rotating polygons that everytime they hit the side of the computer screen, they change shapes and colors. go look at it, im sure your computer has it too. anyways, in a way, this is how my brain works when left to think freely (and most other times as well..!). it holds a thought for a few seconds as it runs across my consiousness and then it seems to hit a wall and turns into another thought or idea that runs its course and then hits the next wall which changes it again, and so on and so on. yea. so on one hand, its handy because i can get through a lot of subjects in a very short amount of time(although its hard to recall most of them) but its also very frustrating because I feel as if so many things are so important to grasp and hold onto while i sort them out inside my head, but it seems as though my brain is against that type of thinking. bummer! this isn't craziness, although it may seem to sound that way. i think its just another facet of attention defecit disorder. add=mystify screensaver.